Returning to myself in a noisy world
There’s a moment in life when you may have an awareness that other people's lives are encroaching on yours too much. You know it because you can’t hear yourself anymore. You get confused about who the truth of you even is.
Maybe its because you are overwhelmed, maybe it’s because you have loads of stuff going on, maybe its because you have lost faith in what you can bring to the table and it’s easier to fade into the noise of everyone else’s lives and advice.
You may well have asked yourself: HOW CAN I TURN THE VOLUME DOWN AND HEAR MYSELF THINK?
I find when I write in my diary to take these matters to the page, there is a tendency for the ‘depressing voice’ to begin the conversation, especially when I feel exasperated with myself. It’s not always ‘the depressing voice’, by the way, but I’m using this one in today’s example to illustrate the above point. By picking up a pen and writing in my notebook, I find I allow myself to be free. I write it ALL down. The good, bad and ugly. It’s my permission to release it out of me.
As I write, what often happens, is ‘the wise voice’ lands. She is the friend who loves me. The friend who can be most incredibly direct and will not mince her words, in favour of ultimately telling me EXACTLY what the time is.
Below is an extract I wanted to share with you, which helped me to return to myself in a noisy world. It features both of those voices. It’s almost like a question/answer session. The original version is not written exactly as it is below (as in, the distinction in who the voices are). As I write, I don’t need to clearly name ‘who’ the different ‘tone’ is coming from, it happens naturally, and I feel the switch in my writing.
It helps me to open with a question, a bit like asking your soul or your guides or Jesus or Mary Magdalen or your angels or whoever your go-to is to help you out… and then, I write what comes:
Sophie: How to lessen the impact of everyone else’s business encroaching on my life?
Wise Voice: Stop watching the news reels.
You are absorbing all the energy like chemicals spreading to your deepest cells:
they numb, and you're unwell.
The good stuff in there is wiped out by all the cheap junk views.
Get out of there,
purge,
have a big sort out and face your life instead.
Sometimes, sleep is the solution, just switch it off for a while.
Then, slowly return to something… just something, enough to spark you back up. This here, is the gunk smoking out of an engine left out for too long. Not serviced, it is choking, but here in the splutters, a voice longs to sing a new song of… Homebound.
Sophie: Let me out! Let me have my own... sanctuary please, the peace that is within. (Nonsense comes out in coughs and spurts and smoke cartoon clouds. This is not a joke, it's real life.)
Oh, the innocence of not knowing was a wonderful playground! Pre-children, pre-the long relationship, pre-40 years old. Playing with hearts and make up. Flashing the cash. Independently confined to the family of policing.
Now, with extra pounds in flab and saggy 'little' wrinkles, hooded eyes with lines and the odd white hair. The hormones partying in my body without prior discussion with the boss (me).
Wise Voice: Maybe THEY're the boss…
Sophie: Maybe…
time to get up, rinse out my eyes, dry in their contact lenses.
Choose what to wear,
shake my body,
feel joy
and smile with my teeth AND my eyes.
Because that is me also.
And to finish this reflection, I could say to you I returned to myself from there on, that day… but that wouldn’t be the exact truth because the process of returning to yourself is something which has to be practised every day. It’s a habit, just like brushing your teeth. And in order for it to become second nature and circumvent the ‘usual’ habits, the practice needs consistency.
I’ll end with this: the wise voice is never wrong, and I never regret putting pen to paper. I am grateful that there is an outlet for the wise voice.
Step 1 is opening up her channel.
Step 2 is to spend a few minutes reading her and letting the truth sink in.
What happened next in that diary entry is lines filled with gratitude for the advice. I had momentarily forgotten that I know what to do to shake it off and crack on, just like you are able also, and don’t you think it’s amazing we don’t have to go too far to be reminded? Priceless.
Onwards.
Here’s a video below from my YouTube channel for those moments. Join in with me as I took myself (and you) out for a walk.
How you can overwhelm yourself by following someone else’s way - YouTube video